How To Cheat-Proof A Relationship
Let’s start with a quick review of the stages a long-term relationship goes through as it ends so we can be on the same page as we talk about cheat-proofing.
A long-term relationship doesn’t just disintegrate overnight.
It falls victim to The 4 R’s: Resistance, Resentment, Rejection, and Repression.
Resistance occurs when you notice yourself taking exception to something your partner does, says, or feels.
Resistance leaves you feeling irritated and annoyed. You’re critical of your partner’s actions.
This becomes a problem when you ignore or minimize the issue instead of acknowledging your feelings.
Left unchecked, Resistance grows into the second R…
Resentment is a more developed state of Resistance.
Now you no longer feel merely annoyed by something your partner does… you can’t stand it!
Resistance makes you feel annoyed, but Resentment leaves you feeling angry, hostile, and unloving.
At that moment, you begin to separate from your partner and retreat behind your emotional walls.
Allowing the irritation of Resistance to grow into the anger of Resentment is the beginning of the end.
Rejection is the 3rd R. In this stage, you separate from your partner emotionally and/or physically.
It begins when so much Resistance and Resentment have built up that you can’t stay emotionally connected to the other person.
In this third phase, your sex life deteriorates or disappears entirely… Which is the pathway to infidelity.
Repression is the final stage.
You consciously or unconsciously repress all your negative emotions, numbing yourself to them to be comfortable.
You enter this stage when you are tired of Resisting, tired of Resenting, and tired of Rejecting.
When a relationship hits the Repression phase, it’s common to have thoughts like:
– I don’t care anymore.
– It’s not worth fighting over.
– It doesn’t really matter.
– I’m too tired to deal with it.
When you reach Repression, emotional numbness will infect your entire life.
You lose your passion and vitality. You’re left feeling detached, uninspired, or bored.
This will often lead to fatigue and a lack of energy.
Unfortunately, when you repress painful emotions, you also repress positive emotions like love and joy.
If a couple is exceptionally good at Repression, they can stay in an unhappy, loveless relationship indefinitely.
Tragic… But there is good news…
The 4 R’s can easily be avoided.
When you experience the first R: Resistance (i.e. your partner says or does something that irritates you or pisses you off), respect your feelings and deal with the issue.
First, change your state. Go for a swim, exercise, take a shower, whatever.
Then discuss the problem with your partner.
If you and your partner are frustrated, both of you should change your state of mind before talking about the problem.
Eliminating the 4R’s is the first step to cheat-proofing. Here’s the second…
What's the one thing you must have in a relationship?
In other words, you would rather be single if your relationship didn’t include what?
Trust? Honesty? Kindness? Love? Appreciation? Time? Attention? Priority? Communication? Respect?
There’s an easy way to communicate what you want and need from your partner and make him happy to give it to you.
Complete the 3 steps below, have your partner do the same, then share the results.
Answer this question:
– In a relationship, what is the one thing you must have? In other words, you would prefer to be single if your relationship didn’t include what?
This will tell you what you value most in a relationship.
Use this question to identify your top 4 requirements.
List your top 4 requirements in descending priority.
Requirement #1 is most important and so on.
For each requirement, answer the following questions:
– What does this requirement mean to you specifically?
– What would it look, sound, and feel like if your partner were supporting this need?
– What actions let you know this need is being met?
– How do you know when this need has been met?
Once these 3 steps are completed, you and your partner can easily create the ideal relationship for each other.
This will greatly decrease the chance of infidelity.
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