Dating Advice For Divorced Men
In my 10 years as a Dating Consultant, I’ve noticed all client divorce stories are the same as my own.
Before getting into the dating profession, I went through a terrible divorce which left me physically, mentally, and spiritually broken.
Below, I’ll share the stages we all go through as a marriage ends.
Before we’re done, you’ll discover an easy way to prevent bickering and stop arguing before it starts so you can grow together instead of growing apart in your next relationship.
You’ll also find out how to let go of all the emotional baggage and pain that comes with divorce.
Let’s take it from the top…
As you know, a marriage doesn’t just disintegrate overnight. Divorce is the result of a relationship falling victim to The 4 R’s: Resistance, Resentment, Rejection, and Repression.
Resistance occurs when you notice yourself taking exception to something your partner does, says, or feels.
Resistance leaves you feeling irritated and annoyed. You’re critical of your partner’s actions.
This becomes a problem when you deal with your feelings by ignoring or minimizing the issue.
Left unchecked, Resistance grows into the second R…
Resentment is a more developed state of Resistance. Now you no longer feel merely annoyed by something your partner does… you can’t stand it!
Resistance makes you feel annoyed, but Resentment leaves you feeling angry, hostile, and unloving. At that moment, you begin to separate from your partner and retreat behind your emotional walls.
Allowing the irritation of Resistance to grow into the anger of Resentment is the beginning of the end.
Rejection is the 3rd R. In this stage, you separate from your partner emotionally and/or physically.
It begins when so much Resistance and Resentment have built up that you can’t stay emotionally connected to the other person.
In this third phase, your sex life deteriorates or disappears entirely… Which is the pathway to infidelity.
Somehow, I was able to avoid cheating…. my ex was unable or unwilling to do the same.
Repression is the F it stage. You consciously or unconsciously repress all your negative emotions, numbing yourself to them in order to be comfortable.
You enter this stage when you are tired of Resisting… tired of Resenting… and tired of Rejecting.
When my relationship hit the Repression phase, I found myself having thought like…
“F it… I don’t care anymore.”
“It’s not worth fighting over.”
“It doesn’t really matter.”
“I’m too tired to deal with it.”
My clients have shared similar thoughts…
“We have to make this work for the sake of the kids.”
“Everyone has these problems, so let’s just deal with it.”
“We need to keep up appearances for the church, my employer, our neighbors, whoever, so let’s just act civilized.”
When you reach Repression, emotional numbness will infect your entire life.
You lose your liveness, passion, and vitality. You’re left feeling detached, uninspired, or bored. This will often lead to fatigue and a lack of energy.
Unfortunately, when you repress painful emotions, you also repress positive emotions like love, happiness, and joy.
If a couple is exceptionally good at Repression, they can stay in an unhappy, loveless married for the rest of their lives…
Tragic… But there is good news…
The 4 R’s can easily be avoided.
The second you experience the first R: Resistance (i.e. your partner says or does something that irritates you or pisses you off), respect your feelings and deal with the issue by completing these two steps:
Step 1: Change your state. Go for a swim, exercise, take a shower, whatever.
If both of you are frustrated, then both of you should change your state of mind before talking about the problem.
Step 2: Discuss the problem with your partner. Irritation can have nothing to do with your partner.
Life tends to show us our innermost qualities.
Now let’s talk about…
How to let go of emotional baggage and pain…
My marriage fell apart at the worst time in my entire life…
(1) I was depressed because my marriage was falling apart.
(2) I was grieving the loss of my mother who had just passed away. (The events surrounding her death were disturbing, to say the least.)
(3) I was depressed and grieving so the business I owned at the time suffered.
(4) My business suffered so I couldn’t make ends meet.
(5) I couldn’t make ends meet so I filed bankruptcy TWICE. I was double bankrupt. My house was days away from auction, so I filled Chapter 7 to get it off the auction block… Followed by an immediate Chapter 11 to avoid continued foreclosure proceedings.
At the beginning of this post, I said my divorce left me physically, mentally, and spiritually broken. Now you know it was much more than just the divorce.
In the words of Alexander Graham Bell:
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Defeat is nothing but education; it is the first step towards something better.”
After my divorce, I become a Life Coach, Women’s Dating Coach, Executive Matchmaker, Men’s Dating Coach, and now Attraction Consultant.
I’ve had the good fortune to work with clients from all walks of life…
From pro athletes, tv personalities, CEOs, movie producers, authors, and radio hosts…
To schoolteachers, businesspeople, medical professionals, blue-collar workers, you name it.
As an Attraction Consultant, guys always ask me how I’m able to attract women without saying a word.
As it turns out, I found 2 of the 3 steps to attracting women while letting go of all the hurt I told you about above.
Here’s my secret…
It’s a simple two-step process:
(1) I use Release Techniques, so I don’t experience negative emotions.
I no longer feel worry, anxiety, fear, hate, anger, jealousy, or sadness.
(2) I started practicing what I call “Off Time” to amplify the emotions I had left.
Namely: love, peace, and joy…
As a direct result of completing these two steps, I was able to release all the pain surrounding my divorce AND the trauma of childhood abuse.
On top of that, I now love everyone on earth unconditionally…
I have unconditional love for all of humanity…
Yes, even you. I love you.
Not romantically, I love you in the sense that I truly want the best for you in every aspect of life…
And I don’t even know who you are.
That’s what makes the two steps above so powerful.
That’s all for now. Thanks for taking the time to read this post. Please feel free to reach out with any questions. God Bless!
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